Sunny Days

The World Looks Brighter From Behind a Smile

You're never fully dressed without a smile 3 years into my recovery. 6 years since the Demon appeared. There's days I have that negative niggle in the back of my mind, the one that whispers things like I'm not good enough, I need to lose weight, everything will be better once I'm lighter. But those days are becoming… Continue reading The World Looks Brighter From Behind a Smile

Thunder and Lightning

Stillness

Standing still but my mind won't stop spinning. I don't want to hurt like this and I don't know what's going to make it stop. I can't decide which path to take and I know I'm hurting him. I can't hurt him. I don't want to break his heart and its breaking mine. I need… Continue reading Stillness

A Touch of Rain

Be mine

I feel terrible saying this because of what happened last week. I tried to talk about it but it was still too raw, and he felt I was justifying what happened. I do understand that. But I want to go out. I want my boyfriend to come with me. To be proud to come out… Continue reading Be mine

Thunder and Lightning

Raw

They wanted to weigh me and I hadn't anticipated that. They sat me down and oh so casually said they needed my weight I haven't seen my weight for more than two months and the instant panic made it impossible to speak, I could have told them I didn't want to see it, or that… Continue reading Raw

Thunder and Lightning

Countdown

You've not eaten all day. You need to eat. And then it begins. It starts with a question of 'why?' Why did I eat? Why could I not have been stronger? And then the fear kicks in. The fear of being fat. The fear of being ugly. The fear of becoming that unwanted fat and ugly… Continue reading Countdown