A Touch of Rain

Out of sync

I decided to stay in Cape Verde for the week instead of going home early. I wrote a nice big list of pros and cons (don't we love those) for staying or going home and, ultimately, I realised I wouldn't necessarily be much happier at home and I'd still be doing very little so if… Continue reading Out of sync

A Touch of Rain

Near-Exhaustion

The pain cuts deep. It stings and it burns and I simply can't hold back the tears that fall. Taken back to hospital just when I thought I was okay. Just like always, the hope comes crashing down, once relaxed but back on guard. Always seem to be falling. Always dragged backwards against my will.… Continue reading Near-Exhaustion

A Touch of Rain

Knowing a Feeling 

I learnt the hard way to not get my hopes up. Always let down, always dropped, always left a little bit more broken than before. Family, friends, coaches, GB team staff and, of course - boys, would remind me why I was 'stupid to think that this time would be any different.' So yes, I learnt… Continue reading Knowing a Feeling 

A Touch of Rain

Welcome Home 

I've had this blank page staring back at me the past few days. Want to write, know that I do, but about what? I don't know. I just don't know. My head is spinning with a thousand questions, so much so I won't allow myself to even take a step back and appreciate how well… Continue reading Welcome Home 

A Touch of Rain

Raindrops

The rain was so heavy last night. It just endlessly poured and poured. It drenched me through, past skin and bones but I wasn't ready to go home. The voice at the other end of the phone cracked a feeble excuse of 'hello'. I could hear her tears begin to fall before I could say my… Continue reading Raindrops

Sunny Days, Uncategorized

Hello

I have a weekly face time catch up with a best friend of mine. A best friend I’ve actually only known two years, a best friend who’s been a best friend possibly less than a year but, regardless, the best of the best. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve known someone, all that matters is that… Continue reading Hello

Sunny Days

A Beautiful Ticker

The thing with broken clocks is that you can tell exactly when they stopped ticking. With people it isn't so easy. Sometimes you can't even tell they're broken. I wouldn't necessarily say it's broken but it's definitely been hurt. It's been picked up and carelessly shattered into pieces a few times but it's still there. It's still ticking, beating… Continue reading A Beautiful Ticker

A Touch of Rain

Whole-Hearted

  I have never seen pretty much everyone at work look so disheartened all week so thank God it's finally the weekend. Finally time for me to get out of London for a couple of days and just get away from it all. Away from everything. I can't even put my finger on exactly what… Continue reading Whole-Hearted

Sunny Days

The World Looks Brighter From Behind a Smile

You're never fully dressed without a smile 3 years into my recovery. 6 years since the Demon appeared. There's days I have that negative niggle in the back of my mind, the one that whispers things like I'm not good enough, I need to lose weight, everything will be better once I'm lighter. But those days are becoming… Continue reading The World Looks Brighter From Behind a Smile