Why do I always question myself? Questioning why I question myself...seems a decent summary of the post that's about to follow. A little while ago I was at the GP surgery. There was some big delay and mishap with their systems so I was sat in her office whilst she went to print out some… Continue reading Question Time
Tag: relationships
Out of sync
I decided to stay in Cape Verde for the week instead of going home early. I wrote a nice big list of pros and cons (don't we love those) for staying or going home and, ultimately, I realised I wouldn't necessarily be much happier at home and I'd still be doing very little so if… Continue reading Out of sync
Near-Exhaustion
The pain cuts deep. It stings and it burns and I simply can't hold back the tears that fall. Taken back to hospital just when I thought I was okay. Just like always, the hope comes crashing down, once relaxed but back on guard. Always seem to be falling. Always dragged backwards against my will.… Continue reading Near-Exhaustion
Knowing a Feeling
I learnt the hard way to not get my hopes up. Always let down, always dropped, always left a little bit more broken than before. Family, friends, coaches, GB team staff and, of course - boys, would remind me why I was 'stupid to think that this time would be any different.' So yes, I learnt… Continue reading Knowing a Feeling
Welcome Home
I've had this blank page staring back at me the past few days. Want to write, know that I do, but about what? I don't know. I just don't know. My head is spinning with a thousand questions, so much so I won't allow myself to even take a step back and appreciate how well… Continue reading Welcome Home
Raindrops
The rain was so heavy last night. It just endlessly poured and poured. It drenched me through, past skin and bones but I wasn't ready to go home. The voice at the other end of the phone cracked a feeble excuse of 'hello'. I could hear her tears begin to fall before I could say my… Continue reading Raindrops
Hello
I have a weekly face time catch up with a best friend of mine. A best friend I’ve actually only known two years, a best friend who’s been a best friend possibly less than a year but, regardless, the best of the best. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve known someone, all that matters is that… Continue reading Hello
A Beautiful Ticker
The thing with broken clocks is that you can tell exactly when they stopped ticking. With people it isn't so easy. Sometimes you can't even tell they're broken. I wouldn't necessarily say it's broken but it's definitely been hurt. It's been picked up and carelessly shattered into pieces a few times but it's still there. It's still ticking, beating… Continue reading A Beautiful Ticker
Whole-Hearted
I have never seen pretty much everyone at work look so disheartened all week so thank God it's finally the weekend. Finally time for me to get out of London for a couple of days and just get away from it all. Away from everything. I can't even put my finger on exactly what… Continue reading Whole-Hearted
The World Looks Brighter From Behind a Smile
You're never fully dressed without a smile 3 years into my recovery. 6 years since the Demon appeared. There's days I have that negative niggle in the back of my mind, the one that whispers things like I'm not good enough, I need to lose weight, everything will be better once I'm lighter. But those days are becoming… Continue reading The World Looks Brighter From Behind a Smile
