A Touch of Rain

Travel Freedom

Two weeks of qualification leave over. Two out of those exciting yet scary six weeks done and dusted. Exciting because it’s a holiday to celebrate my qualification as a solicitor and scary because of the challenge it is for my ED. Even before I fully developed bulimia I displayed disordered behaviours which I managed to… Continue reading Travel Freedom

A Touch of Rain

Flexible Planning

T-minus 24 hours until my qualification leave begins! (Well 24 hours if I leave work at 5pm tomorrow but my supervisor knows it’s my last day so fingers crossed he’ll let me run away as soon as it is professionally acceptable to do so). It still hasn’t fully hit me that I’m going to be… Continue reading Flexible Planning

Sunny Days

Avoiding Self-Sabotage

It's a full on summer. That's for sure. I'm now seven months into what I feel is "recovery". In that seven months I've been sick twice. Once at the start (i.e. when the seven months began) and once when I was incredibly drunk and fell into an old habit. I've still experienced panic attacks, I've… Continue reading Avoiding Self-Sabotage

Sunny Days

A Reminder to Write

I need to write more. I tell myself this all the time and yet I'm always getting caught up in work, socialising or just other hobbies that I lately haven't written for months. I reminded myself this weekend how much I enjoy writing on this blog, both therapeutically and generally and I want to commit… Continue reading A Reminder to Write

A Touch of Rain

Number Crunching

I did that thing I wasn't supposed to do. I did it even though I knew it wasn't going to do me any good. I stepped on the scales and that pain I knew would arrive came rushing, burning through every part of my body. I stood there, simply hurting. 8 weeks into recovery and… Continue reading Number Crunching

A Touch of Rain

Knowing a Feeling 

I learnt the hard way to not get my hopes up. Always let down, always dropped, always left a little bit more broken than before. Family, friends, coaches, GB team staff and, of course - boys, would remind me why I was 'stupid to think that this time would be any different.' So yes, I learnt… Continue reading Knowing a Feeling 

Sunny Days

Almost There

My 25th birthday yesterday and to celebrate my quarter-of-a-century-ness the opticians delivered my first ever pair of glasses. Seven years of reading and writing and reading and writing and reading some more at university has left my eyes a little bit worse than where they started off. Perfectly lovely birthday even if I did panic… Continue reading Almost There

A Touch of Rain

This is what my ED looks like

An llness that doesn't care for age, height, gender or (rather ironically) weight. My ED carries a smile. A smile that whispers to the world 'I'm fine'. A smile that begs for someone to ask 'what's wrong?' but knows that if anyone does, it'll crack. My ED walks with a head held high. One that's… Continue reading This is what my ED looks like

A Touch of Rain

Welcome Home 

I've had this blank page staring back at me the past few days. Want to write, know that I do, but about what? I don't know. I just don't know. My head is spinning with a thousand questions, so much so I won't allow myself to even take a step back and appreciate how well… Continue reading Welcome Home 

A Touch of Rain

Seven Years

A room so hot with heat and stress. Clock ticking down, minutes if not seconds left and then it's done. Four hours of time that passes so quick and it's over. Paper handed in, step outside and breathe. Done. Over. Seven years of law school. Finished. Drinks, food and laughter galore. The bank account winces… Continue reading Seven Years