A Touch of Rain

‘Time Heals’, That’s a lie.

Right now I am a mixture of very happy and very sad and I’m trying so very hard to figure it all out. I’m trying to figure out all these feelings and emotions and words and thoughts and I can’t work out what they all mean. Everything I feel lately seems to be a contradiction… Continue reading ‘Time Heals’, That’s a lie.

Sunny Days, Uncategorized

A Beautiful Paradox

  She was broken but never hopeless. Alone but never lonely. Her eyes reflected pain but projected courage. She was a beautiful paradox I really like that quote and feel like I can massively relate to it. It always feels weird to have people say things to me like, 'I love how confident you are, you… Continue reading A Beautiful Paradox

Thunder and Lightning

Worthless

I feel as if I'm in a constant state of numbness. Nothing is getting me out of this rut I'm in and so many thoughts are running through my head. It's starting to get clearer but that doesn't mean the pain goes away, in fact, it makes it hurt more. He tried to convince me… Continue reading Worthless

Thunder and Lightning

Brain = 1, Heart = 0

I should have listened to my brain instead of following my heart. It was right, it's always right. I'll be okay, deep down I knew it was coming and I know it was right. My brain knows but my heart aches. It was a nice visit nonetheless and being friendly is fine with me and… Continue reading Brain = 1, Heart = 0

A Touch of Rain

Working It Out

Today's been a bad day but on the same hand one of my better ones. It's so contradictory, I know but I'm pleased with where I am right now in this very moment. As usual my day started off with the standard family stress but today I couldn't take it anymore. I'm in the middle… Continue reading Working It Out

A Touch of Rain

Letting go

I admit I've made some massive mistakes the past 7 days but I know I wasn't fully to blame. I'm ready to let it all go. I'm ready to make sure I am never that person who got into such a vulnerable position ever again. Hating myself won't work. Only when I love myself truly… Continue reading Letting go

Thunder and Lightning

Stillness

Standing still but my mind won't stop spinning. I don't want to hurt like this and I don't know what's going to make it stop. I can't decide which path to take and I know I'm hurting him. I can't hurt him. I don't want to break his heart and its breaking mine. I need… Continue reading Stillness

A Touch of Rain

Be mine

I feel terrible saying this because of what happened last week. I tried to talk about it but it was still too raw, and he felt I was justifying what happened. I do understand that. But I want to go out. I want my boyfriend to come with me. To be proud to come out… Continue reading Be mine

Thunder and Lightning

Raw

They wanted to weigh me and I hadn't anticipated that. They sat me down and oh so casually said they needed my weight I haven't seen my weight for more than two months and the instant panic made it impossible to speak, I could have told them I didn't want to see it, or that… Continue reading Raw

Sunny Days, Thunder and Lightning

A Little Birdie Told Me…

On my first race day at the UCI para cycling road World Cup, I woke up to a little birdie tweeting. It told me I was disgusting. It said I was a cheat. It said I was going to fail. It told me I was a crap swimmer, a crap cyclist, and a joke to… Continue reading A Little Birdie Told Me…