I decided to stay in Cape Verde for the week instead of going home early. I wrote a nice big list of pros and cons (don't we love those) for staying or going home and, ultimately, I realised I wouldn't necessarily be much happier at home and I'd still be doing very little so if… Continue reading Out of sync
Tag: illness
Flexible Planning
T-minus 24 hours until my qualification leave begins! (Well 24 hours if I leave work at 5pm tomorrow but my supervisor knows it’s my last day so fingers crossed he’ll let me run away as soon as it is professionally acceptable to do so). It still hasn’t fully hit me that I’m going to be… Continue reading Flexible Planning
Restless Rest
I had a week off work last week for no reason other than I had holiday to use and figured that back in March, a random week off in June would work well. I struggled that week more than I ever thought I would. Between all the hospital appointments I had scheduled and the inevitable… Continue reading Restless Rest
Just Because
Just because you see the smile doesn't mean there isn't anything hurting behind my eyes. Just because you see the food being eaten doesn't mean there isn't any fear behind every mouthful that I swallow. I'm not pretending to be okay. I'm fighting to be okay. And each day is getting better...I think so, anyway. In fact,… Continue reading Just Because
It’s Okay
Girls Night Out had been planned for at least 2 months and, now that I think about it, I was the one who had initiated the plans in the first place. We were to go out on the Friday but as soon as the preceding Monday arrived I was filled with guilt and nerves. I was… Continue reading It’s Okay
Number Crunching
I did that thing I wasn't supposed to do. I did it even though I knew it wasn't going to do me any good. I stepped on the scales and that pain I knew would arrive came rushing, burning through every part of my body. I stood there, simply hurting. 8 weeks into recovery and… Continue reading Number Crunching
Just say this or that
I slipped up and he told me he was 'frustrated'. Since admitting my relapse the other week I've pretty much put every practical step into motion that you can think of. I moved into his for the week so I could have that really close support (supervision too). We sat and made a meal plan,… Continue reading Just say this or that
Back to Basics
Apologies as there may be some triggering thoughts here. So, I thought I was doing okay and there were times I thought I was fine. Or at least the ‘Demon’ told me I was okay. Convinced me I didn’t need help. That there wasn’t an issue because what I was doing was keeping me… Continue reading Back to Basics
Near-Exhaustion
The pain cuts deep. It stings and it burns and I simply can't hold back the tears that fall. Taken back to hospital just when I thought I was okay. Just like always, the hope comes crashing down, once relaxed but back on guard. Always seem to be falling. Always dragged backwards against my will.… Continue reading Near-Exhaustion
Times Like This
Woken up 4am Thursday morning with a pain in my left hand side. A stabbing pain that made me scream and cry and call out for my flatmates. 8 hours later and the hospital sent me home. Hand in hand with some paracetamol, they couldn't work out what had happened to me and said I… Continue reading Times Like This
