A Touch of Rain

Just Because

Just because you see the smile doesn't mean there isn't anything hurting behind my eyes. Just because you see the food being eaten doesn't mean there isn't any fear behind every mouthful that I swallow. I'm not pretending to be okay. I'm fighting to be okay. And each day is getting better...I think so, anyway. In fact,… Continue reading Just Because

A Touch of Rain

Number Crunching

I did that thing I wasn't supposed to do. I did it even though I knew it wasn't going to do me any good. I stepped on the scales and that pain I knew would arrive came rushing, burning through every part of my body. I stood there, simply hurting. 8 weeks into recovery and… Continue reading Number Crunching

A Touch of Rain

Back to Basics

  Apologies as there may be some triggering thoughts here. So, I thought I was doing okay and there were times I thought I was fine. Or at least the ‘Demon’ told me I was okay. Convinced me I didn’t need help. That there wasn’t an issue because what I was doing was keeping me… Continue reading Back to Basics

A Touch of Rain

Welcome Home 

I've had this blank page staring back at me the past few days. Want to write, know that I do, but about what? I don't know. I just don't know. My head is spinning with a thousand questions, so much so I won't allow myself to even take a step back and appreciate how well… Continue reading Welcome Home 

Thunder and Lightning

Nightmare Realities

The illness crept up on me full force when I was reminded over an awful night that happened almost a year ago...wow, it's almost a year ago now...one year...12 months...52 weeks...365 days ago. Can I even call it an anniversary? Surely that day doesn't deserve to have an anniversary? Nevertheless, the date is fast approaching and I can… Continue reading Nightmare Realities

A Touch of Rain

V-Day-D-Day (Part 2)

That's right...V-Day-D-Day got worse yesterday AFTER I published my new post so here I am making an additional one. In all honesty, this guy deserves a separate post anyway, so well done him! Firstly, let me provide you with some humour as to why some of my previous Valentine's are 'special' in a not-so-special-way: 2013… Continue reading V-Day-D-Day (Part 2)

A Touch of Rain

And Breathe…

Take a step outside and shut your eyes. Feel that breeze in the air, take one big breath in and hold. Keep holding. And breathe. Let it all out. Let the stress leave and the pain subside. It's okay to crumble. It's okay to slip up under the pressure. It's okay to fall. But breathe. Just… Continue reading And Breathe…

A Touch of Rain, Uncategorized

A Beautiful Contradiction

Let me tell you this. Being told that no feelings had developed, no slight spark after almost 10 weeks of seeing me was potentially one of the most hurtful comments I've ever had. Being told that it has all been entirely platonic and being asked to explain why I thought he liked me was a… Continue reading A Beautiful Contradiction

A Touch of Rain, Thunder and Lightning

Wise Words

Words are powerful. They can crush a heart or heal it. They can shame a soul or liberate it. They can shatter dreams or energise them. They can obstruct connection or invite it. They can create defences or melt them. We have to use words wisely.  My motivation to write can come from a variety of sources… Continue reading Wise Words

A Touch of Rain

Parenting the Parents

  16 hours. 960 minutes. 57600 seconds is all it took for him to fuck up. Yet again. As always. Once more the man messed up. His actions have hurt me more than ever before. I hate how much he's hurt my entire family. I resent the pressure I have had to cope with to hold… Continue reading Parenting the Parents