A Touch of Rain

Flexible Planning

T-minus 24 hours until my qualification leave begins! (Well 24 hours if I leave work at 5pm tomorrow but my supervisor knows it’s my last day so fingers crossed he’ll let me run away as soon as it is professionally acceptable to do so). It still hasn’t fully hit me that I’m going to be… Continue reading Flexible Planning

A Touch of Rain

Little Wins

I deliberately stayed away from writing during December even though I had plenty to write about. There was so much I wanted to say, so many emotions I wanted to get out onto paper but I always find I retreat in December. I shy away from so much because there's so much going on. December is already… Continue reading Little Wins

A Touch of Rain

Just a touch of magic…

It is impossible to visit Disneyland and not feel happiness. I challenge you to find someone who has entered one of the parks and not enjoyed it one bit...but even if you do find someone,or you are in fact someone who doesn't like Disneyland, then that's perfectly acceptable. Each to their own! My boyfriend and… Continue reading Just a touch of magic…

A Touch of Rain

Just Because

Just because you see the smile doesn't mean there isn't anything hurting behind my eyes. Just because you see the food being eaten doesn't mean there isn't any fear behind every mouthful that I swallow. I'm not pretending to be okay. I'm fighting to be okay. And each day is getting better...I think so, anyway. In fact,… Continue reading Just Because

A Touch of Rain

It’s Okay

Girls Night Out had been planned for at least 2 months and, now that I think about it, I was the one who had initiated the plans in the first place. We were to go out on the Friday but as soon as the preceding Monday arrived I was filled with guilt and nerves. I was… Continue reading It’s Okay

A Touch of Rain

Number Crunching

I did that thing I wasn't supposed to do. I did it even though I knew it wasn't going to do me any good. I stepped on the scales and that pain I knew would arrive came rushing, burning through every part of my body. I stood there, simply hurting. 8 weeks into recovery and… Continue reading Number Crunching

A Touch of Rain

Internal Criticisms

The big, dreaded, over-thought-about-before, phone call happened on Thursday. It was supposed to be Tuesday but got switched last minute. That in itself freaked me out for a good 12 hours... But deep breaths and I got there. I was so incredibly nervous to hear my old therapist's voice as I sat on my bed… Continue reading Internal Criticisms

A Touch of Rain

Just say this or that

I slipped up and he told me he was 'frustrated'. Since admitting my relapse the other week I've pretty much put every practical step into motion that you can think of. I moved into his for the week so I could have that really close support (supervision too). We sat and made a meal plan,… Continue reading Just say this or that

A Touch of Rain

Back to Basics

  Apologies as there may be some triggering thoughts here. So, I thought I was doing okay and there were times I thought I was fine. Or at least the ‘Demon’ told me I was okay. Convinced me I didn’t need help. That there wasn’t an issue because what I was doing was keeping me… Continue reading Back to Basics

A Touch of Rain, Sunny Days

Hello 2018

I've not really been one for New Year's Resolutions. I've always found the 'New Year, New Me' to be slightly superficial but major congrats to anyone who fully commits to their resolutions! However, I do like to reflect and make goals.  (Same thing, I know!!) I was at a party again for NYE, the same… Continue reading Hello 2018