A Touch of Rain

Welcome Home 

I've had this blank page staring back at me the past few days. Want to write, know that I do, but about what? I don't know. I just don't know. My head is spinning with a thousand questions, so much so I won't allow myself to even take a step back and appreciate how well… Continue reading Welcome Home 

Sunny Days, Uncategorized

A Beautiful Paradox

  She was broken but never hopeless. Alone but never lonely. Her eyes reflected pain but projected courage. She was a beautiful paradox I really like that quote and feel like I can massively relate to it. It always feels weird to have people say things to me like, 'I love how confident you are, you… Continue reading A Beautiful Paradox

A Touch of Rain

Working It Out

Today's been a bad day but on the same hand one of my better ones. It's so contradictory, I know but I'm pleased with where I am right now in this very moment. As usual my day started off with the standard family stress but today I couldn't take it anymore. I'm in the middle… Continue reading Working It Out

A Touch of Rain

Letting go

I admit I've made some massive mistakes the past 7 days but I know I wasn't fully to blame. I'm ready to let it all go. I'm ready to make sure I am never that person who got into such a vulnerable position ever again. Hating myself won't work. Only when I love myself truly… Continue reading Letting go

A Touch of Rain

Be mine

I feel terrible saying this because of what happened last week. I tried to talk about it but it was still too raw, and he felt I was justifying what happened. I do understand that. But I want to go out. I want my boyfriend to come with me. To be proud to come out… Continue reading Be mine

Thunder and Lightning

Tuesday Night

He caught me. I heard his footsteps but I didn't have enough time. Not enough time to clean up or sort myself out. Just not enough time. I panicked and I freaked out. It happened so fast yet felt so slow. I heard him coming in and I rushed, I tried to sort everything out.… Continue reading Tuesday Night

Thunder and Lightning

Raw

They wanted to weigh me and I hadn't anticipated that. They sat me down and oh so casually said they needed my weight I haven't seen my weight for more than two months and the instant panic made it impossible to speak, I could have told them I didn't want to see it, or that… Continue reading Raw

Sunny Days, Thunder and Lightning

A Little Birdie Told Me…

On my first race day at the UCI para cycling road World Cup, I woke up to a little birdie tweeting. It told me I was disgusting. It said I was a cheat. It said I was going to fail. It told me I was a crap swimmer, a crap cyclist, and a joke to… Continue reading A Little Birdie Told Me…

Sunny Days

The Ex-Almost

It wasn't really anything. You couldn't truly call it something. It didn't amount to much. Neither of them did. He was never realistically going to be your boyfriend. You weren't truly dating. It didn't amount to a fling. But I still felt something. I still fell for that guy the guy that was never going to be.… Continue reading The Ex-Almost

Thunder and Lightning

The (Internal) Stigma

If you asked me to describe myself in several words I would probably say something along the lines of, small, loud, crazy, fun-loving, always laughing, confident, and happy. Mainly, because, for the most-part those words are genuinely a true description of me. But that's how I would describe myself to you. If I were to… Continue reading The (Internal) Stigma