A Touch of Rain

Little Wins

I deliberately stayed away from writing during December even though I had plenty to write about. There was so much I wanted to say, so many emotions I wanted to get out onto paper but I always find I retreat in December. I shy away from so much because there's so much going on. December is already… Continue reading Little Wins

A Touch of Rain, Sunny Days

Bonfires and Brownies

Time flies and a lot changes as each second passes by. 12 months ago I had bought tickets to a Bonfire and Fireworks display at Battersea Park and, me being me, I was really excited. But me, also being me, I ended up in hospital with a kidney stone that left me bedridden and in… Continue reading Bonfires and Brownies

A Touch of Rain

It’s Time

It's time to stay on top of writing. It's always proven so cathartic and plays a huge role in my recovery but lately I've found it hard to sit down with the keyboard and type away. Five weeks ago I rotated departments. That' means I'm halfway through my training contract and well on my way to… Continue reading It’s Time

Thunder and Lightning

Unresolved

Please don't ask me to talk about my eating disorder if you're going to end the conversation as soon as I tell you what's going on. Please don't ask me to open up when I say I don't want to, but you decide I should, and then leave me with these thoughts festering in my brain.… Continue reading Unresolved

A Touch of Rain

Just a touch of magic…

It is impossible to visit Disneyland and not feel happiness. I challenge you to find someone who has entered one of the parks and not enjoyed it one bit...but even if you do find someone,or you are in fact someone who doesn't like Disneyland, then that's perfectly acceptable. Each to their own! My boyfriend and… Continue reading Just a touch of magic…

A Touch of Rain

Just Because

Just because you see the smile doesn't mean there isn't anything hurting behind my eyes. Just because you see the food being eaten doesn't mean there isn't any fear behind every mouthful that I swallow. I'm not pretending to be okay. I'm fighting to be okay. And each day is getting better...I think so, anyway. In fact,… Continue reading Just Because

A Touch of Rain

It’s Okay

Girls Night Out had been planned for at least 2 months and, now that I think about it, I was the one who had initiated the plans in the first place. We were to go out on the Friday but as soon as the preceding Monday arrived I was filled with guilt and nerves. I was… Continue reading It’s Okay

A Touch of Rain

Back to Basics

  Apologies as there may be some triggering thoughts here. So, I thought I was doing okay and there were times I thought I was fine. Or at least the ‘Demon’ told me I was okay. Convinced me I didn’t need help. That there wasn’t an issue because what I was doing was keeping me… Continue reading Back to Basics

Sunny Days

Self-inflicted Mind Games

I've been back in London a week now and straight into my new house with my new housemates - two very good friends of mine and between you and me, once we get all the boring general admin such as bills and the like sorted, we'll be ticking over just fine. However, I feel so… Continue reading Self-inflicted Mind Games

A Touch of Rain

Knowing a Feeling 

I learnt the hard way to not get my hopes up. Always let down, always dropped, always left a little bit more broken than before. Family, friends, coaches, GB team staff and, of course - boys, would remind me why I was 'stupid to think that this time would be any different.' So yes, I learnt… Continue reading Knowing a Feeling