It’s been a long on-and-off-and-on-again-then-off-again 18 months.
I used to write on my blog, Umbrella Adventures, so regularly in the turmoil of my bulimia and it helped me so much over the years. Getting all my emotions out, no matter how metaphorical and poetic my posts were, helped me understand, process and recover from my pain.
However, when I started to truly enter a “recovery” period it felt like I no longer resonated with my blog no matter how much I loved it.
Umbrella Adventures helped me so much over the years. It was my safe place where I poured my heart and soul out on post after post so when I began to recover, when my mind was starting to heal, I didn’t need to release my pain as much as I previously needed to.
I began to lose my motivation to write. It wasn’t that I had no more pain or nothing to write about (I certainly have lots to deal with) but almost as though Umbrella Adventures had served its purpose.
Like when you finally don’t need medical treatment or therapy anymore.
It had served its purpose and I wasn’t sure what was next for me.
Umbrella Adventures was my deepest darkest days. The real experience with my eating disorder demon. As I entered my recovery I legitimately had an identity crisis. I seriously did not know who I was without my eating disorder.
I even felt massively guilty for not having as many eating disorder thoughts.
I’m not deleting Umbrella Adventures. I have kept pages dedicated to it (and all my blog posts are still available on this site) because it is a part of me. As silly as that may sound, it truly is. I’m never going to let myself forget what it did for me. It’s just time to start a new page, to head in a new direction.
I’ve changed to The Recovery Lens now. It’s a little bit of a play on words with my name (Len) as well as this idea of providing a glimpse, a snapshot, a video into my recovery. I hope it resonates with you too.
Farewell Umbrella Adventures, you’ve been a great friend.
Personal page – @elenipapa92
Recovery page – @recovery_lens