I feel terrible saying this because of what happened last week. I tried to talk about it but it was still too raw, and he felt I was justifying what happened. I do understand that.
But I want to go out. I want my boyfriend to come with me.
To be proud to come out with me. To want to be seen holding my hand.
To show everyone that I’m his.
I hate going to parties and the like without him. Everyone asking why my boyfriend wouldn’t come with me.
I want to have romantic meals, or a walk in the park.
I want him to show me off to his friends and to let me show him off to mine.
I want to go to a party and dance with my boyfriend rather than dancing on my own.
I hate seeing other couples there, holding hands, dancing, cuddling, kissing.
I love him so why does he not want to come for a drink with me, to a party, to a BBQ. He doesn’t even have to pay for it.
Just come with me. Be with me. Outside of the flat.
I want to go to a party, have a drink and a dance but with him. Not with my friends…not having to stop guys from trying to dance with me.
And the more I drink the more I wish he could be there with me, dancing, holding my hand. Just there with me.
So I drink more.
I drank more.
But I have no argument. No leg to stand on. Not any more.
I want to be looked at as though I am the most beautiful girl in the world. I want him to hold my hand on the walk home. I want to be treated like I’m not something to be lost. I want him to be there and just know that he can’t be without me.
I want him to meet my friends and I want to meet his.
I want him to show how proud he is to be mine…
How proud he is, for me to be his…